Breaking Up And Getting Back Together – Can It Work Out

July 25, 2010 by admin  
Filed under Relationship Breakup

Breaking up and getting back together, can it work? That is a question that a lot of people ask. It’s not uncommon to break up with someone and later regret the breakup and try to reconcile. The question is, will it work? The answer is, it depends…

It depends on many factors. Below is a list of some things you have to honestly consider before you get back together with your ex:

1) Why did you break up in the first place? If you broke up because of major differences in your outlooks and personalities and found that you were constantly clashing then getting back together would be a bad idea.

Neither of you will be able to completely change your personality. Nor should you. If you are just not compatible that won’t change. It’s time to move on and find someone you are more in sync with.

2) If the reason you broke up was fairly minor daily hassles you have to decide if either of you are willing, and able, to honestly discuss it and make the changes necessary to make the relationship work. If you think that the two of you are mature enough to have an honest discussion of the problems and work on fixing them then you might be able to make it work this time around.

3) Was there infidelity or abuse? For the most part, if either of these things were present you’re probably better off finding someone new. Most people don’t really change to a significant degree. If you or your ex is a cheater that pattern will more than likely continue unless extensive therapy is undertaken.

If abuse is the problem no one should be given a second chance to hit or hurt you again. Leave, and don’t look back. Hopefully your ex will get help and be able to overcome the problem but that type of treatment isn’t always successful and could take years, it’s time for you to move on for good.

Breaking up and getting back together, for the most part, can only be accomplished if you and your ex can be totally honest with yourself and each other. It’s not impossible to make changes but it can be challenging and unless both parties are in agreement and are committed to making the positive changes needed to make the relationship work it’s probably better to call it quits and move on.

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Healing A Broken Heart With Hope

June 29, 2010 by admin  
Filed under Relationship Breakup

Healing a broken heart isn’t something that can happen overnight. Unfortunately, there’s no magic wand you or anyone can wave to make you feel better. But there are a few things you can do to make healing a broken heart a little faster and easier.

Surround yourself with people who have a positive attitude. The people you hang out with have a lot to do with your general level of happiness and your state of mind. This holds true every day of your life, not just when you’re heartbroken over a breakup.

If you spend your time with very intelligent people who have thought-provoking conversations, you’ll tend to use your brain more, too. If you spend time with people who practice bad habits like smoking or drug use, or even eating foods that are unhealthy, you’re more likely to do those things.

So if you spend your time with people who feel like love is only for a chosen few and that all men or women are faithless, you might start to adopt those attitudes. If your best friends are pessimists or always depressed, you’re setting yourself up to adopt those same feelings.

Surrounding yourself with positive people every day can help lift your spirits and make you a more positive, hopeful person. This is especially important when you’re working on healing a broken heart.

If everyone around you is a downer, they may try to help you heal but they’ll do it in a negative way. “He was probably cheating on you anyway.” “He was a loser.” “He was holding you back.”

Even though they mean these things to be helpful, all that negativity makes an impact. But positive people will offer suggestions and support in a different way.

“There’s something better waiting for you.” “Now you can do that thing you wanted to do but couldn’t.” “You have so much to offer someone else.” Support like that is just better for your overall mood than support springing from a negative outlook.

And positive people are just more hopeful in general, about everything. Instead of fretting about not doing well at something, they realize that failure is possible but choose to focus their energies on the hope of success. This is one of the key to success in life—believing that it’s possible.

By spending more time with hopeful, positive people when healing a broken heart, you can adopt those bright attitudes in every aspect of your life. Not only will the hope you’ll start to feel help your heart to heal, but you can see improvements in all of your relationships.

When you learn to look for the positive in every situation instead of dwelling on the negative, you’ll find that you’re more open to possibilities than ever before. You’ll start to expect good things, which paves the way for them to happen.

When healing a broken heart, not only can hope help it happen, it can help prepare you to enjoy a new relationship that’s bound to be better that the old one!

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Should You Break Up And Get Back Together

June 2, 2010 by admin  
Filed under Relationship Breakup

A friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend, but started having second thoughts about the breakup. She asked me if I thought they could break up and get back together. I told her that I thought it depended on a few things:

You often hear people say that relationships take work, and that is true, to a point. The reality is that many of us close our eyes when entering into a relationship. We totally ignore all warning signs that this just isn’t going to work out, and we often cling to the sinking ship long after we should have jumped overboard.

A good relationship with someone you are compatible with will take work, but not as much as if you try to force something with someone you simply aren’t compatible with.

You can’t fit a square peg in a round hole and that’s what many people try to do with their relationships. They know deep inside that this person isn’t right for them but for some reason they feel the need to hold on tightly. Maybe it’s the fear of starting over or being alone, but in the long run you risk being miserable instead of being happy with the right person.

So to answer the question of getting back together after a breakup you have to be honest with yourself about the reason you broke up.

Most often when a couple breaks up it’s because things have gone so far that it’s difficult, or impossible, to fix. If you could identify a problem and fix it right away before the resentments and anger grows you’d have a better chance of saving the relationship .

Most people are in denial and don’t want to rock the boat so they ignore the small problems and before they know it those small problems have grown into huge problems, and by then it’s usually too late.

If you’ve broken up over small generally insignificant differences and you’re both mature enough and willing to openly discuss the issues then yes, by all means, get back together.

But if the problems have grown too big and the resentments have gone too deep then it’s probably best not to break up and get back together. Just learn from your mistakes and move on. As painful as this might be in the long run it will be less painful than staying in a bad relationship.

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Are You In A Love Depression

April 29, 2010 by admin  
Filed under Relationship Breakup

Are you in a love depression? This is where your heart has been broken and you feel low about it. You may believe that you will never have another romance. Here’s what to do if you are in a love depression.

First of all, you need to recognize that, however painful, this is a temporary period in your life. You will get through your love depression. But, you may need help.

Turn to your friends and family during this tough period in your life. They will always be there for you. Don’t be afraid to cry on their shoulders. One of the ways you will know when you have come out of the love depression is when you yourself are bored with talking about your ex.

But, if your friends and family get tired of hearing about your ex before you are healed, it may behoove you to go into counseling. A trained therapist can help you work through the break up issues. By talking to a counselor, you will be able to identify many issues in your life. Some of these will be about why you and your ex broke up. Others will help you be a better boyfriend or girlfriend in the future.

Sometimes talk therapy isn’t enough. When this happens, you need to see a psychiatrist who can put you on anti-depressant medication. Prozac, Paxil, and other SSRIs can make a big difference in how you feel about the world. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for medical help when you need it.

There are other things you can do for yourself when you are in a love depression. For instance, when you go to the gym to work out, you not only improve your body, you also improve your mood. Getting your body moving sends chemicals to the brain which elevate your mood.

Pampering yourself can also help you believe that you are a worthwhile person. Getting a massage can bring a physical relief to your weary body.

Sometimes eating, in moderation, can soothe your soul. Chocolate, ice cream, and comfort foods all help ease the pain of a break up. Don’t overdo it and gain too much weight though, because you don’t want to ruin your physique.

Perhaps the best tonic for love depression though, is falling in love with someone new. Remember that in order to do that, you have to get back in the game. Don’t believe that you have to be 100 percent ready for a new relationship before you start dating again. When someone asks you out or strikes your fancy, have coffee with them. Go to the ballgame with a friend who might be interested in being more.

At some point, you have to get back on the dating scene. Whether talking to your friends, going into therapy, getting some psychiatric medication, or treating your condition yourself, you need to work out a way to cure your love depression. The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll feel a lot better.

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